I can't explain but I wanna try
by magik-blood
Summary: Raphril. 2k14 turtles. Drabble.


Raph is uniquely unlike his brothers.

I know I haven't written in this field journal in a hundred years but this is relevant to the Clan and that mess… and definitely not some diary entry. No, this is completely business. And not some poor excuse to observe the most interesting turtle of the lot; Raphael.

All of the brothers have developed differently, although all under the instructions of the same teacher. I suppose what I'm most interested in is their ideas of humanity. How do four shut in young men view our world with only MTV and TLC as an outlet? Leo seems to take an interest in Global affairs, Donnie with science, Mikey (the youngest) seems the most interested in popular culture… and then there's _him_.

Raph, I can only imagine, spends most his time observing his city from some far up post like a dark fallen angel. He feels the world has wronged him in a way and, unlike the others, he's seems hyper aware of shity hand he's been dealt. I have no doubt they all question their purpose in life but it's as if he is always consciously aware of the fact he is a mutant turtle and not a normal human.

And, I swear, it's as if he was the most typical meat head, muscle-milk gulping, gym rat, tough guy, who was just born in the body of a mutant turtle…

Now that I've chewed over that last statement for a minute, I can assure myself I am in too deep.

Maybe he intrigues me simply because he is the most human out of all of them. He's mad as hell. He's sad, he's sarcastic, he's vengeful. He's looking for something to make sense.

I suppose I should mention what happened the other day.

Now I've become pretty friendly with the guys but Raphael is always duking in and out. He's always on the move as if he's on some grand mission. He hardly gives me the time of day besides a small nod or the curt – "April, how's it going?" – without the slightest grin.

Once, Leo called him out on his rude tendencies towards me only to receive a nonchalant shrug before darting off to pump iron. At the time, I laughed it off. I hadn't known him that long and I already had realized a "fuck you" from Raph was as good as a hallmark card.

I wasn't the Foot Clan, I wasn't Lady Liberty or New York. To him I wasn't worth much time.

So, what had happened the other day was… a bit jarring.

He stared at me and smiled.

Now, I understand I'm jumping to conclusions but I think we're in love and I haven't stopped thinking about this, or him, for days.

And I've realized it sort of make sense. Why he's always working out when I'm over. Why he's always busy off protecting the city or doing something noble. Maybe I make him nervous?

And, like I said, he's a rather angry man.. or, turtle…

But he's never _mad_ at me.

He knocks the shit out of his brothers, mumbles about those "motherfuckers"; the clan, or just complains about his day – but he never targets his anger towards me. I suppose, in his eye,s I'm truly an innocent. Just some little girl. And he's daddy Raph.

Now I know I'm in too deep.

Anyways, yes, he smiled at me. We were alone and he was passing by (I was with Donnie as he was showing me his latest gadget and he had stepped out).

Now I've acquired enough teasing statements from this particular turtle. Snide remarks from the corner of his mouth. And, I've always replied with an equally quippy remark. And honestly, I've never put much thought into it. Until recently, of course.

Because, when he smiled at me, I swear, the earth stopped moving for a moment. And it was just me and him. His bright green eyes that are such a stark contrast to his dark persona.

"You okay?" he asked, at first in his usual careless and drone manner.

"Yeah," I answered meekly.

Then he turned to me, stopping in front of where I stood.

"How are you really doing, April? How's that… what were you talking about before? Your new roommate?"

I blinked, he had heard that conversation all the way from the gym?

I answered him curtly, awkwardly gulping my words as he smiled and stared at me.

"Thanks for coming around. It means a lot to the guys."

Which was the statement to make me giggle like a school girl before he threw a towel around his neck and moved on to his next task.

I was shocked to say the least.

And I've never been one to fall in love so flippantly. But it appears I don't have much choice.

I went back to their place last night and when he walked in I almost had to catch my breath. I was talking to Mikey over a large pizza and we were arguing about the new design for the Lightsaber or something. I felt him glance at me as I pretended to still be intrigued by his younger brother. I felt the heat in his stare, the leer in his gaze, and the passion behind his passive aggressive saunter.

And, in the next moment, he was swiftly punching the air and heading into the gym.

I stared at his shell as he passed.

Sometimes, when I'm on the subway or walking the streets heading to work, I see a young man and think to myself; he looks like one of the turtles human-ized.

Well, I just so happened to see this young man, perhaps just on the wiser side of 25, walking towards me on the sidewalk. He was stocky and only a couple inches taller than me. He had thick dark brown hair that was wavy but jelled back in place. A thin black tee-shirt hid a bulky physique of probably less than 2% body fat, give or take.

I stared to this man for a long moment as he seemed to be distracted by his head set and phone, and it wasn't until I was about to pass him that he glanced up.

He had a strong jaw, a straight nose, and a pair of light green eyes framed by thick black eyelashes that happened to look my way.

I quickly averted my gaze and, in the next moment, we had passed by each other completely.

_Raphael_, a voice in my head whispered, _that was Raph._

But if he knew I thought about him like this, it would ruin everything. Besides, what could I even gain from falling in love with someone like him?

Maya knew why the caged bird sang, and I guess I know why the mutant turtle beats thugs and criminals to a bloody pulp…


End file.
